Written for Clash Magazine, September 07
Five Tips for Achieving Greatness:
1. Having a surname makes you look common. Call yourself 'the something' (eg John the Baptist) or 'of something' (eg John of
2. Make use of quotations. use the classics - Pope, Shakespeare, Anchorman, Mallrats.
3. Have a sidekick. Make sure you're not actually their sidekick. This is heavily dependent on what you chose to put at the end
of your name. For example john of norwich is almost certainly somebody else's sidekick.
4. Be prepared for enemies. if you go around quoting Anchorman all day long you are going to make some enemies.
5. If all the above fail, die young.